


Professor AU but I take my inspiration from tweets and shit i find on pinterest, Alternate Title: I Can't Name Things For Shit

by Justacityboy



Series: it's a gotdamn Professor au [1]
Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: @bill finn, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, Humor, ITS ALSO CUTE, Multi, also newsflash i HATE professor callahan like Holy Shit what a bastard, and while this is gonna be trindel centric, but seriously, gotta give the people sumn cute n funny, how about: im listening to the legally blonde musical while im typing this shit so yeeyee, i dont know what else to tag so ill just shut up for now, i mean obvious but still gotta tag that shit, i'll try to post somewhat regularly but who knows, im boutta be super cliche here n say that i'll tag shit as i go, im gonna try for each chapter to be from someone else's pov, not tear jerking, ok here goes, ok where do i start, sorry in advance if this is unintelligible, tee hee, teeheehee this is fUnNi!!1!!!11!!, there may or may not be a shit ton of ocs from the discord that i'll be using as jason's friends, theyre all professors, this will not get angsty if its the last thing i do
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2020-02-29 20:35:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18785716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justacityboy/pseuds/Justacityboy
Summary: we in this bitch finna get crunk eyebrows on fleek da fuckok so the gist is that they're all college professors and since it's something of a trindel-centric fic, i'm using that one tweet where the girl is like "yeah so when i was in college i was a part of a group of 20 or so people that were taught by these two professors and we were the only ones who knew that professor brickwall and professor overshare were married" but with falsettos and shit that happens in the discord so uhhenjoy !





	1. First Day, Period One

**Author's Note:**

> i don't think i did the summary right but we'll see
> 
> comment or kudos if you want like this is more of a "putting proof of my procrastination on ao3" kinda thing
> 
> also at the risk of being terribly cliche my writing blog is writingbitchass so if you wanna get the link Straight Off Tumblr when i post new shit, you can go follow me there
> 
> and just know that a lot of this wouldn't have been made possible had it not been for those crazy folks in the discord who put up with all of mendel's bullshit, so thank you to all of them
> 
> P.S: if there's any big mistakes or sumn feel free to yell at me about it  
> so without further ado, chapter one (1) of the shitshow

“Good morning class!” Mendel yelled as he entered the room. “I’m gonna be your psychiatry professor for this year, and if you’ve had trouble pronouncing it, my name is Professor Weisenbachfeld. Here, I’ll sound it out for you. Wise-n-bach-feld,” he said as he wrote both forms of his name on the board. “Now, to save time you should probably just call me Professor W or something.” He said as he finished writing the course’s name on the board right above his own. 

“And, since it’s happened before, if anybody is in the wrong place please raise your hands now.” A few hands went up around the room. “Ok, sound off, where are you supposed to be?” He pointed to the closest student, a girl with a camera in hand. 

“Uh, Photography 1.” she quietly replied, starting to pack up her things.

“Okay! Anyone else for Photography 1?” One student raised their hand. “Alright! Why don’t you both pack up your things and come down here.” He began rooting through his desk before he came up with a map of the school and a highlighter. “Okay, so I’m marking the quickest path there, you two can walk together.” 

He pulled out a post-it note and quickly wrote something down before sticking it to his laptop and handing the map to the students. 

“I’ll shoot off an e-mail to all the professors you guys will be heading to. Professor Brown is pretty chill though, just make sure you’re respectful and pay attention. Have a nice day!” He waved to the students as they left the room. “Alright, who’s up next?” A boy in the front row slowly raised his hand. “Great! Where are you supposed to be?”

“Shakespearean Studies…” he mumbled.

“Alright, anyone else for Shakespearean Studies?” Two more students raised their hands as they began packing up. “Great!” He wrote something more on the post-it from before, and grabbed a different map and began highlighting the path. “Now, your professor is a bit strict, and he hates my guts, so if he gives you guys flack for being late, just tell him that I held you up, okay? Legit, just throw me under the bus. He’s actually a really good teacher, and I’m sure everything will be alright, so have a great day!” The three students left the room quickly, somewhat panicked looks in their eyes as they hurried to the right class. Mendel looked at the clock on his desk.

“Oh, jeez,” he glanced around his desk with a panicked expression. “Okay, I’ll get the syllabus up for those of you who are supposed to be here, if the rest of you who need maps could just come down here and I’ll get those for ya.”

He got the slideshow on the board and got more maps out of one of the folders on his desk. “Okay, so where are you going?” he asked one of the students around his desk.

“Biology 1.” the girl replied confidently. 

“Okay, anyone else for Bio 1?” he skimmed the small crowd and motioned the other students who had raised their hands closer. “Alright, Dr. Du Bois is kinda serious but she’s really smart and she’s probably the best in her field.” he handed them the map and waved as they hurried out of the room. “Next! Hi! Where are you headed?” he asked the kids in front of him. 

“We’re all headed to Intro To Baking.” their elected spokesperson relayed. 

“Sweet! Professor Du Bois is really sweet, just like her treats. You guys are gonna love her, everyone does.” he handed them the map and the group took their leave. He took a break to jot down the names of both professors on his Post-It.

“Hey, Professor W?” a girl in the third row asked.

“Yes?” he replied, frantically moving papers around on his desk.

“How are there two professors named Du Bois?”

He stopped moving entirely and started laughing hysterically. Once he finally caught his breath, he sighed loudly, and giggled to himself once more. “Oh, it’s just that legit everyone knows that they’ve been married since before it was legal,” he paused for a moment and frowned, “If anyone has any problems with their relationship you can let yourself out.” he eyed the class suspiciously for a moment before breaking into a dopey grin and motioning for the remaining students to come closer. “Okay, where are you guys headed?” he asked, already reaching for the map and his highlighter.

“Uhh, Drama 1.” one of them said.

Now, what happened next no one is certain. It actually becomes a kind of conspiracy theory. All anyone knows is that one moment the Professor was standing with one foot on his chair, resting his arm on his knee, and the next he was on the ground, taking half the papers and folders on his desk with him.

“Professor, are you alright?!” one student cried, jumping up in a move to help him.

“Huh? Oh, I’m fine! Just took a lil tumble is all.” he giggled as he brushed himself off. “Anyways, your guys’ professor is inarguably the greatest this university, maybe the whole of academia, has ever seen. You guys are gonna love her, everyone does.” he frowns, staring off into space. “Well, almost everyone…” he shakes his head to clear his thoughts and grins at the students. “Anyways, she’s great, and you’re gonna love her class.” he finished up marking the way on the map and handed it to the students, then waved as they left the class, calling, “But you didn’t hear that from me!” after them. 

Once the door closed behind them, he sighed contentedly and smiled a bit to himself. Then, seeming to remember where he was, he glanced at the clock and cringed, “Oy vey, that took way too long,” he muttered. Quickly, he composed himself, and asked, “Alright, does anyone have any questions about the syllabus? You!” he pointed to a boy in the third row. 

“Yeah, uh, is it true that we get to use our notes on every test?” the kid asked, looking over the slide on the board and the notes he’d taken.

“Okay first, did I give you guys the hardcopy syllabus?” The kids shook their heads. “Damn. Okay, well, here. Pass these around so everyone gets one.” he said as he handed a stack of papers to the closest student. “And, to answer your question, of course! It’s my philosophy that you should be tested on application and understanding, not memorization.” he paused, attempted to hide how much his hands were shaking, “Plus, this class is rightfully different than your average calc class, so you should probably treat it as such. Anyone else?’ A girl in the front row’s hand shot up.  
“Yes?” he asked, gesturing for her to start talking. 

“Will there be any opportunities for extra credit?” 

He seemed to be suppressing a laugh, and muttered, “Oh, so you’re one of those, huh? Interestning.” he cleared his throat and looked up at her. “I’m not sure. If you need a boost in your grade at any point this year, arrange a meeting with me and we can discuss plans of action.” his hands were still trembling, and it had escalated to the point that his voice was shaking a bit too. “I should probably tell all of you that nobody’s ever failed this class. Whether it be that it’s an easy fucking class, that everyone always shows up because they wanna see how I’ll embarrass myself today, or, in an unforeseen, and frankly unlikely third outcome, that I’m actually a decent teacher, we’ll never know for sure.” He smiled at the girl, who was writing down everything he’d just said. “Anyways, is that all?” A student in the sixth row raised their hand. “Yes?”

“Why did you react the way you did when those guys said they were going to Drama 1?” 

He froze, eyes widening in utter panic. Then, he seemed to compose himself, and he smiled blankly at the student. 

“I don’t know what you mean,” he replied, grinning innocently. Suddenly, he jumped up and yelled, “I’ve got an idea!” he rushed over to the whiteboard, and began writing. “Okay, so, in years past, I’ve had this sort of, point and level-up system, where each class is part of a different team, and whenever you do well on a test, or your class is particularly well-behaved, because this is apparently a kindergarten class, or any other number of good deeds, your class gets more points.” he paused to reassess his level-up charts, “Whenever you collect enough points to reach a new level, I tell you something about myself, and you guys get a free day. I’ve never had to take points away before, but to lose points, your class has to basically go to shit, but I don’t think that’ll be a problem, now will it?”

The students all shook their heads, and there were some scattered “No…”s and “No sir!”s from around the room. 

“Great! You guys should get packed up, you’ve got like 5 minutes left. If anybody’s shy and still has questions, feel free to stick around and ask!” He sat down at his desk and began reorganizing all the papers he’d scattered when he fell. The five minutes passed, and the bell rang. 

“Alright! I’ll see you all tomorrow! Shalom!” He waved as they all left the class. Once the door closed, he exhaled loudly, and collapsed back against his chair. 

“I’m a disaster. A ge-nu-Ine dumbass.” He sat in silence for a bit, just slouching in his chair, spinning himself around with his foot. Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming from his office. He slowly turned around, ready to ask just whom the HECK was in his office when the door opened, and his face lit up.

“Hi, honey!”


	2. First Day, Period Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Men(del) get pegged .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jk its just a continuation of where the last chapter left off
> 
> sorry this took so long I was really swamped with school but summer's comin!! so yeet
> 
> anyways if you wanna get the link Right Off Tumblr, follow writingbitchass because That Me
> 
> give kudos or leave a comment if you'd like it's always really nice getting an e-mail in class about it . makes me feel Good
> 
> what would i do just came on fucking spotify so i'm prepping to sue
> 
> but! without further ado, go read the McFricking chapter

Trina Weisenbachfeld was an extremely private person. She kept everyone on a need to know basis, so if it wasn’t integral, you didn’t need to know, and therefore didn’t. Despite all her efforts, though, she had fallen in love with a man who would gladly tell you his social security number, as long as you asked nicely. It was a miracle he had survived as long as he did without her. However, her love for a certain psychiatry professor wasn’t where her problems ended. None of her students needed to know her relationship status, so they didn’t. The only signs she had any relationships with anyone was her wedding ring, and the small pictures of her family she kept on her desk. 

Now, the only people she didn’t keep on this need to know basis were her close friends and family, who had been playfully dubbed the Tight-Knit-Family, or TKF, for short, by the Shakespearean Studies professor. But still, the last thing she needed was a group of kids saying they’d just come from Professor Weisenbachfeld’s Psychiatry class to ask her why ‘Professor W’ had fallen off his chair at the mention of her class, then proceeded to gush his heart out about her before sending them off. She’s learned that those kids had Mendel’s class in the afternoon, so she was a bit on edge about any news from these kids for the rest of the year, because she knew well just how impulsive he was at all times, and how excited he’d get whenever someone mentioned her, and if that wasn’t a recipe for him spilling everything about her life, she didn’t know what was. 

All of that information brings her to where she is now. Standing in Mendel’s classroom, not a student in sight. She had come here to give him the yearly talk about not giving in to the impulse to gush about how much he loves her at the slightest prompting, but instead, in true Mendel fashion, he had jumped out of his chair (he had probably been having a post-class pity party, with the way he had been slouching) to run up and give her a biiiiiiig bear hug, as was common when you were married to a man who called his morning hot chocolate (he hated coffee) ‘Love my wife juice’. It really was hard to stay mad at him when he got so excited to see her, but she had a lecture to give.

“Mendel, sweetie, it’s good to see you too, but we’ve gotta talk.” He reluctantly let go, looking up at her with of a shamed expression on his cute face. Dammit, Trina! Just remind him about the rules, then you can cuddle until your next class!

“Yeah, honey?” he mumbled sheepishly. 

“I think you know what I’m here to talk to you about.” She held him by the shoulders at arms’ length.

“Yeah…” he was looking down at his feet, embarrassed. 

“Would you like me to just tell you what happened?” she started rubbing the sides of his upper arms. 

“Uh-huh…” he let her control his movements, and just kinda went limp in her arms. 

“Well, I appreciate you giving the kids maps so they could figure out where they were going, but what I don’t appreciate is having those same students come up to me after class and ask me why ‘Professor W’ fell off his chair at the very mention of me, then proceeded to ‘practically worship’ every part of my character.” He made a distressed noise and hid his head on her shoulder. 

“No no no, Mendel sweetheart, don’t hide.” He lifted his head and looked up at her. “Oh, now don’t give me the eyes.” He smiled a bit, and tilted his head to the side.

“Listen. Thank you for the shining compliments,” she grinned down at him, and continued, “but! You remember our rules, right? No obsessive compliments at work or in public, don’t mention me, etcetera?” He made a little whining noise, but said nothing. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw something he’d drawn on the board. 

“Mendel.”

His entire body stiffened, and he let out a little squeak. 

“Yes, dear?” His voice was an octave higher than usual.

Oh, he was definitely guilty.

“Would you care to explain,” she maneuvered him so he was facing the board, “That.” He let out another squeak, and tried to hide his face in his shoulder. 

“No, no. Look at it, and tell me what it is.” He looked at her with a pleading expression. 

“Please don’t make me say it.” He mumbled, still cowering a little. 

“What’s that, Mendel dear?” She prodded him a little, encouraging him to talk.

“It’s just, it’s a, a game! Just a game that I’m uh, doing in, in class, as a kind of, oh, you know, in, incentive, to, uh, be, be good, you know?” He stuttered out, blushing furiously, gesturing a bit to distract from his blatant guilt. 

“Professor Weisenbachfeld,” he gulped, “That looks an awful lot like the ‘game’ you created last year, now doesn’t it?” He nodded, but stayed quiet. 

“And, Professor Weisenbachfeld,” she wrapped her arms around him from behind, and spoke low into his ear. “Do you remember what happened last year? I’m gonna need you to respond, baby.” He squirmed a bit before answering. 

“Yeah, I remember.” 

She made a thoughtful noise.

“So, Professor, if you admit that you remember what happened the last time you played this game in class, why, pray tell, would you decide to play the game again this year?” She moved her arms to wrap around his hips, and began swaying gently, controlling his movements.

“Trina…” He whined, attempting to turn his body to be able to hide in the junction between her shoulder and her neck, but she held him still.

“Nope, nope, Mendel, I’m gonna need you to tell me exactly what information you’re going to share this time. You gotta stay still for me, hon.” He gulped loudly, inhaled deeply, then began.

“I was gonna start with a lil overview about me, then answer exactly one (1) question they have that doesn’t pertain to the info for any of the other levels. Level 2 was gonna be 2 free questions and I tell them about, say, my childhood, I dunno. Then, uh, Level 3 is 3 free questions, and maybe like, my college years or whatever. Level 4 is 4 free questions, and me talking about sexuality and gender or whatever the fuck else I think of. Level 5 garners them 5 free questions, and I’ll talk about the time between college and this year,” here, he paused, and turned his head towards her a bit to look into her eyes as best he could, “If that’s okay with those involved, of course.” 

She smiled at him, rubbed his hips, then mumbled, “Go on.”

It really says something about this guy that it took her command to get him to continue speaking. 

“Ok, Level 5 is also gonna have either a free day in class, or I try to plan a field trip of some sort, we’ll see.” He paused for a moment, like he knew he’d forgotten something but didn’t know what.

“OH! It should be noted that the free questions are about, like, anything they want, just nothing to do with Level Up info. Anyways, Level 6 is gonna be 6 free questions, and like, random stuff about me. Level 7 is 7 freebies, and more random stuff. Level 8 is 8 freebies, and even more random stuff. Level 9 is gonna be mostly teasing for Level 10, but with 9 freebies. I should add that Level 5 excludes the use of names whenever possible. Anyways, Level 10 is gonna be where I walk in and go, ‘You know Professor W, in the Drama department?’ They’re gonna nod, be like ‘yEaH, i’Ve HeArD oF hEr.’ Then I’m gonna drop the bombshell, be like, ‘Oh, good. So guess what?’ and these, these absolute fools, they’re gonna go ‘wHaT??’ and I’m gonna, gonna Slam my McFuckin book down and go, ‘That’s my Wife’ and they’re gonna go absolutely off the fuckin shits, and before they can even recover, I’ll hit em with the names and receipts from The Event, and then I’ll answer any extra questions they’ve got, and once that’s done they get a free day and I’ll try to plan a field trip or sumn, I’m not sure.” He finally paused, and asked, “Does that sound okay?” 

He felt her press her face into his hair. She inhaled deeply, before spinning him around so he was facing her, and just. Booped him, right on the nose. She kept her finger there, making him go cross-eyed.

“The kids you sent to my class today have you in the afternoon block, which means most of your other students won’t have the slightest idea who I am, and I’d like to keep it that way, alright?” 

He was still staring at her finger on his nose.

“Yeah,” he said, completely mesmerized, “I, uh, I’ve only got two classes this year, with like 15 or so students each, so it shouldn’t be that big a deal, just make sure that your students know how much of a brick wall you can be.” She smiled down at him, but he didn’t notice, still focused in on her finger on his nose. God, he could be so simple sometimes. It was easy to see how people thought that he was an idiot. 

“Plus, I think I heard some of my first hour kids talking about how they had Drama 1 in the afternoon, so you’ll have to deal with that. I’m betting there are like 15 total who have both of us.” He mumbled. 

He’s cute when he’s like this, Trina thought, as she removed her finger from the booping position. Oh, scratch that, he’s cute all the time. She cleared her throat. 

“I could check with the others to see if they’ve got those kids in their classes, if you think you can find out their names.” He had been steadily regaining his bearings, but got lost in her eyes once she started speaking, and just made a small noise of agreement once he realized she was done talking. 

He moved to wrap his arms around her, but she had just checked the time, and knew it was almost time for her second class, full of students who were, whether they liked it or not, unacquainted with Professor Mendel Weisenbachfeld, and they would stay unenlightened, if she had any say in it.

“Mendel, sweetie, I know you wanna cuddle, and don’t get me wrong, I do too, but I’ve gotta go prep for another class. You’re off until 3, right? Why don’t you go pick up some stuff for dinner, then we’ll all meet you here for lunch, okay? How’s that sound?” He groaned a little, mumbled something akin to “You know, life.” and responded officially by saluting to her, followed by a sneak-attack hug, before he started gathering his things. She chuckled, kissed him on the cheek (which prompted him to almost collapse), and made her way back to her class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank for getting to the end !
> 
> my plan for the free questions is that y'all send me asks on the ol tumblr . com and we'll go from there
> 
> Like, Comment, and Subscribe to the channel for more content, gamers !
> 
> And have a Super day !


	3. First Day, Period Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jaSON derulo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi gamers second upload of the day
> 
> as per the usual, give kudos or leave a comment if you'd like, validation is always nice but i'm not boutta beg anyone for their feedback because i have dIgNiTy
> 
> anyways enjoy this absolute Hell Writing

Mendel spent his time at the grocery store thinking, an activity that placed at number 8 on his list of favorite things to do (unless he was thinking about Trina, in which case it was bumped up to his Number One All-Time Favorite Activity). He was thinking, however, about this game he’d created. He’d need time, of course, to figure out names and who was in whose class, but once all of that information was uncovered, he wanted to make a club. Yes, a club for the students that would have access to all those who had been involved in The Event. People may think he’s a dumbass of a person, and don’t get him wrong, he is, it’s just that he’s a lucky dumbass, who has been gifted with observational skills and the ability to focus in on a conversation that he isn’t involved in to the point where he can hear them better than someone who’s speaking directly to him, both of which he’s been refining for years. 

So, when he’s calling out the names of classes students are going to, he noticed that there was a group of students that had been looking at their schedules, and seeing the names of the courses as he called them out, were making notes about the professors. Why anyone would decide that they wanted to be a theatrically-inclined biologist with a knack for baking and photography who, in addition to all of that, can identify, diagnose, and prescribe medication to treat any number of mental illnesses is beyond him. What he did know, however, was that if he could convince everyone involved in The Event to play along, this could be a fun year for everyone. As he’s planning out how to approach the conversation at lunch, his cart decides that now’s the time to hydroplane. As he’s regaining control of the cart, he’s vaguely aware of someone entering the aisle, but it takes an extremely familiar voice saying,

“Oh, shit…”

For him to look up and see whom it is.  
“Jason?” He asked, staring at the boy. “Aren’t you supposed to be in school right now?”

Jason nodded sheepishly. Mendel continued.

“So then why are you standing in the Local Target?” He motioned for Jason to come closer. 

“I just, wanted to grab some food, you know?” He explained. Mendel chuckled, and responded.

“God, you are so lucky you got caught by me and not say,” he pauses dramatically, pretending to think for a moment, “Your mother. Or Marvin. Or Dr. Charlotte. Or,” He continued, before Jason came closer to try and shut him up. 

“Okay! Okay! I’ll go back to school, alright?!” Mendel gave him a pointed look and said,

“You’re damn right you will! I’ll drive you, just help me out with the rest of the groceries.” Jason nodded and took the list from Mendel. 

“Are you gonna tell the others when y’all go for lunch today?” Mendel gave him a weird look before responding. 

“Okay first, ask yourself, ‘Am I Whizzer or Cordelia?’ and if the answer is no, then you need to understand that you are not a valid yeehaw and should not be appropriating yeehaw culture like that. God, get a grip. Second, of COURSE I’m gonna tell them, you think I’m an idiot?” Jason opened his mouth to speak before Mendel held a hand up to keep him quiet. “Don’t answer that. Anyways, I may be selling you out to the others for my own personal gain, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to be immoral about it, so just know that I’ll defend you during the subsequent argument.” He stopped to sweep all of the Progresso Homestyle Chicken And Dumpling Herb Soup into the cart. 

“Look, I’ll make sure they all know that you’ve already been properly scolded, and I’ll try to make sure you don’t get grounded or anything like that, but I don’t control them, and Lord knows Marvin and Trina are gonna have a conniption,” he pauses for a minute, then says, “but I’ll protect you, bud. Now grab me the communion sauce.” He pointed at a bottle of grape juice. Jason nabbed it from the shelf and said,

“Dad, we’re Jewish.”

Mendel was closely examining a can of spaghettios.

“Doesn’t mean I can’t LOVE CHRIST so much I DRINK his BLOOD and EAT his BODY!” 

Jason cringed and replied, 

“And you tell me to get a grip.”

Mendel grinned at him, then said,

“I think all we need now is the ice cream bars.” He made his way to the frozens.

“Who wants ice cream bars?” Jason asked. 

“Me. I was craving them last night, and I’m currently at an establishment where they are readily available to me, so I’m buying them.” 

He walked over to the door of the freezer and grabbed every box of ice cream sandwiches he saw. He walked back to the cart, dumped them in, and said, 

“Let’s go check out, then I’ll drop you off at school. You’ve got your stuff, right?”

“It’s in my locker.” Jason replied.

“Great. Then once you’re in school you’ll stay in school until the bus drops you off at the U. After I drop you off, I’ll head home and put the groceries away, then I’ll go back to work for a lunch meeting with everyone.” Jason nodded, and checked his watch.

“Actually, I’ve uhh,” he looked over at Mendel with a pleading expression, “missed lunch.”

Mendel looked at him, then shook his head and responded.

“Okay, we’ll get you something once we get checked out.” He went to the self-checkout, muttering something about not needing to make a fool out of himself at a Target. 

Once they were back in the car, Whipped Into Shape started blasting. Once Mendel had it turned down, Jason started quietly chanting. 

“McDonald’s, McDonald’s, McDonald’s!” To which Mendel replied,

“You want beesechurger? You want a phucking beesechurger?”

“P-please…. I just want to see my wife..”

“C h i n k e n N u n g e t” 

Jason laughed as Mendel turned into a McDonald’s drive-thru.

“Okay, what do you want?” Jason checked out the menu.

“A Big Mac, some McFries, a McChocolate McShake, and that should be McIt.”

Mendel nodded seriously and said,

“Mcgredience….”

As he started to order, Jason started saying, 

“Beetroot? You- You want beetroot?” 

Once Mendel finished ordering and was pulling up to the window he responded. 

“Number 15: Burger King Foot Lettuce. The last thing you’d want in your Burger King burger is someone’s foot fungus, but as it turns out, that might be what you get. A 4Channer uploaded a photo anonymously to the site showcasing his feet in a plastic bin of lettuce with the statement: This is the lettuce you eat at Burger King. Admittedly, he had shoes on, but that’s even worse.” Jason started laughing hysterically. Once the food was ready, Mendel handed the bag to Jason and pulled onto the road. 

“Alright, I’ll drop you off, are you gonna be able to eat that somewhere?” 

Jason was already scarfing down his fries, but still responded.

“Yeah, I’m gonna get there in the middle of my free period.” Mendel nodded and pulled into the school’s drop off lane.

“On behalf of the adults of the Tight-Knit Family, I would like to say that I love you. Now get out.”

Jason rolled his eyes and opened the door. Before closing it, he turned to Mendel and said, 

“Tell OG Dad that he sucks at chess, and that if he disagrees he can meet me in the pit. And that I love you guys too.” He closed the door and jogged into the school.

As he drove away, Mendel rolled down the window and yelled, 

“Go get that education lil homie! WOOO!”

His commute back to the U from their house was a bit longer than usual, but he made it back for the beginning of the class before lunch break, He sat down in his chair and was about to check some stuff on his laptop, maybe shoot off some emails, when he notices a text notification on his phone. A message from the group chat.

Yeehaw Brown: @Easy, Breezy, Beautiful, Christ hey mendel do you wanna spend the hour before lunch with Delia and I in my class? We gotta watch this week’s episode of our show  
Cordelia The Bois: Bottoms club!  
Easy, Breezy, Beautiful, Christ: Bottoms club… I’ll be there 

With that, he packed up his shit, and headed over to Whizzer’s class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tee hee hee get it cause they're all bottoms
> 
> anyways hope you enjoyed 
> 
> LEAVE A COMMENT AND KUDOS GODDAMMIT
> 
> jk love you guys
> 
> anyways have a Super Duper day!


	4. First Day, Period Four- Lunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's lunch time, gamers 
> 
> we've got bottom's club, anime, lunch time, tables being flipped, chair throws, Completely Kosher Chinese Food, and so much more!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> attention . fortnite . gamers . 
> 
> WELCOME BACK TO THE CHANNEL 
> 
> this one's a long boi, I think. im honestly not sure 
> 
> anyways like, comment, subscribe for more content, and thanks for watching!

Once he arrived at Whizzer’s class, he opened the door and was met with the scent of Cordelia’s campus-famous brownies. 

“Well, well, well is it finals week already?” Mendel chuckled as he set his stuff down. 

“That’s what I said!” Whizzer called from his office. “Don’t start the show yet, I’ve gotta close the skylight.” He pressed a button by the doorway of his office, as the shutters to the huge skylight in the ceiling of his class began to close. “Do you guys want the windows open or closed?”

Cordelia looked out the window at the beautiful sunny day. 

“I think we should leave them open, then once the show’s over we chill on the balcony and do our work,” she looked to Mendel, “How does that sound to you?”

“Sounds good, but I think we should do a recap of last week’s episode before we start this one.” The other two nodded, and Whizzer picked up a dry erase marker as he walked to the whiteboard.

“Okay. so last week, Ash arrived in Alola, and he decided he wanted to stay there and get an education even though at this point he’s gotta be like, thirty,” he explained as he wrote out a summary of the previous episode, “We were introduced to Professor Kukui, Alola’s official Pokémon professor, who’s also a hot piece of ass,” he paused to draw hearts around Kukui’s name as Cordelia giggled and Mendel replied, 

“Amen to that!”

“I honestly think his wife is the hot one.”

Mendel slammed his fist onto the table, and said, 

“Cordelia you fucking lesbian I swear!” 

“Cordelia, remember when you said you don’t really have a type?” She nodded, looking Whizzer square in the eyes. “Well, I’ve made a powerpoint slide for every woman you’ve ever said was hot, and they’ve all got one (1) thing in common, do you know what that might be?” He looked at her with a challenging expression as Mendel said, 

“Ooh, expose her!” 

Whizzer continued. 

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Professor Cordelia Du Bois is attracted exclusively to scientists!” Cordelia gasped loudly, and Mendel fell out of his chair for dramatic effect. From the floor, he yelled, 

“The results are in,” he stood up and pointed at Whizzer, “You are the father!” 

Cordelia screamed, and Whizzer flipped a table and fell to his knees, screaming, 

“NOOOO!!!”

They all started laughing and Whizzer went back up to the board and continued with his summary. 

“We were also introduced to Professor Oak’s cousin, Samson Oak, who is creepily good at Pokémon impressions, and is more than likely a pedophile.” He paused to catch his breath, then went on. “Ash also had his first encounter with Team Skull, and he got to see his first Z-Move, performed by Kiawe and his Turtinator. Now Ash is trying his hardest to learn more about Pokémon, and will likely go on his Island Challenge to collect all the Z-Crystals.” He put the cap back on the marker. “Am I missing anything?” Cordelia got up and took the marker from him. 

“Yeah, you missed the part where Ash gets lost in the forest and has an encounter with Melemele Island’s Guardian, Tapu Koko, in which Tapu Koko gave Ash a Z-Ring equipped with an Electrium-Z, the Electric-Type Z-Crystal.” She looked over everything they’d written. “I think that’s it.” Mendel nodded and gave them a thumbs up. 

“Great!” Whizzer said, moving to his laptop to open Netflix so they could start the episode. Once it was all up and running, they settled in with the brownies. As soon as the intro theme started, Mendel and Whizzer stood up and started dancing before they all yelled, 

“Under the Alolan sun! Pokémon!” They collapsed into giggles and settled back down and watched in silence, only occasionally mocking something a character said. Once the episode ended, Whizzer got up to turn on the lights and open up the skylight. Cordelia and Mendel gathered up their stuff and walked out to the balcony. Whizzer met them out there with his laptop and they worked quietly, occasionally commenting on how stupid the board was (Whizzer), how adorably nervous all the new freshmen were (Cordelia), and how much he loves his wife (Take a wild guess). 

Before they knew it, it was time for lunch.

“Alright, whose turn is it to host, and who’s coming in with the plug?” Cordelia asked as they all began packing up. 

“I think Marvin’s picking up food, and we’re meeting in Mendel’s room, right?” Mendel nodded and slung his bag over his shoulder. 

“Yeah, you guys can walk there with me.” The three of them made their way across campus to his class. They rounded a corner and saw the other three adult members of the TKF standing outside Mendel’s class. 

“It’s about fucking time!” Marvin yelled, holding a bag of takeout. “It took you three so fucking long the food probably got cold.”

Mendel flipped him off from down the hallway as some students stopped to watch the interaction. Cordelia pushed down Mendel’s arm and yelled, 

“Fuck you too, Marv!” 

Whizzer and Mendel looked at each other, then yelled, 

“OOOOHHHH!!!!” 

Whizzer put Cordelia on his shoulders, and he and Mendel walked down the rest of the hall while chanting, 

“Queen, queen, queen, queen!” 

Charlotte sighed loudly, and said, 

“You three are like a bunch of frat boys, I swear.” Whizzer out Cordelia down and yelled, 

“Yeah, bro!” 

Marvin winced and muttered, 

“Jesus, just calm down and open the door.” 

Mendel dug around in his pockets for his keys, before sheepishly looking up at the group and laughing a little. 

“You lost your keys. Of-fucking-course you did. Jesus, Mendel get a fucking grip.” Mendel scowled at Marvin before turning to Whizzer and asking, 

“Can I use your elbow for a sec?” He was removing his cardigan and starting to wrap it around Whizzer’s elbow. 

“Sure, lil homie.” 

Mendel grinned and pulled Whizzer closer to the door. Everyone else took a step back. 

“Okay, three,” he positioned Whizzer’s arm in front of the window in the door. 

“Two,” he began moving it in a swinging motion. 

“One!” 

Whizzer’s elbow collided with the glass, shattering it. 

“Jesus FUCK, Mendel!” Charlotte yelled while Mendel brushed the glass bits from Whizzer’s arm. 

“What?” He asked, standing on his tip toes so he could reach inside the window to open the door and let them in. “Oh! Don’t let me forget, I have two (2) things to share with you heathens.” He said as he opened the door and flipped on the lights.

“You’re the one with the stash of red wine and communion wafers…” Cordelia muttered as she walked inside. 

“Watch your step on the glass!” He called as he walked to his office to grab the drink cooler and his “comfy blanket”. Marvin began unpacking the takeout from the Local Jewish Chinese place that’s owned and operated by a friend of theirs, and handing people their respective orders. 

“Okay, what did you need to tell us?” He asked as he handed Mendel his Completely Kosher orange chicken and fried rice. 

“Okay,” he wrapped his blanket around his shoulders as he took his seat between Trina and Whizzer. “Alright, so picture it.” He takes a piece of his Kosher Chicken and pops it into his mouth. “I’m walking through Target, picking up stuff for dinner, when all of a sudden I look up, and do you know who I see?” He paused for dramatic effect, eating a spoonful of his rice. 

“Alright, fucker, who’d you see?” 

Mendel smiled smugly before dropping the bomb. 

“Jason.” 

All hell broke loose. 

Someone flipped a table, a chair got thrown into a wall, you know, the usual. 

As the dust settled, Marvin looked a mix of angry and disappointed. Trina was muttering, 

“Oh, God, I have failed as a parent.” Whizzer seemed kind of proud, but also like he felt bad about it. Charlotte and Cordelia were outraged, but on opposite ends of the spectrum. 

“Jesus, we’re raising a rebel.” Marvin said, rubbing his face with his hands. 

“Mendel?” 

He paused from stuffing his face to look up at Charlotte. 

“Yeah?” 

She passed him a napkin and asked, 

“What did you do next?” 

Mendel grinned. 

“Well, I asked him what he was doing out of school, and he said he wanted some food. I told him that was a load of bullshit, and that I’d drop him off and that he’d better stay at school until the bus drops him off here, then we finished shopping, and I had to get him McDawnald’s since he missed lunch. After that, I dropped him off at school, went home and put the groceries away, then came back here for Bottom’s Club.” 

At that, Cordelia and Whizzer yelled, 

“Bottom’s Club!” 

The others rolled their eyes before Trina asked, 

“Of course sweetheart, but did you punish him at all?” 

Mendel spit out his V8 and replied, 

“Never!”

He wiped off his mouth and continued, 

“I actually told him that I’d try to make sure you guys went easy on him…” He looked at everyone kind of sheepishly. 

Marvin just about lost it. 

“Easy on him? Mendel, he skipped school!” 

“”His classes are too easy for him, he gets bored!” 

“So let him find something productive to do at the school!” 

“eeeeeeeYEE!” 

They all looked at Cordelia. 

“I agree that Jason should be punished, but A: you two need to calm down, and B: I also think that we should cut him some slack, we’ve all heard how much he complains about how bored he gets at school. Personally, I would say that he should be grounded from all electronics except for his phone and laptop, and those are only to be used for communication and schoolwork, and you should ground him until, say, Sunday, so he gets his stuff back next Monday.” She paused to eat a forkful of lo mein, “But whatever you do, don’t ground him from seeing his friends.” They all nodded their agreement, then Mendel added, 

“He also wanted me to tell you that you suck at chess,” he looked at Marvin, and continued, “And if you disagree you can meet him in the pit. Also, he loves us, so that’s nice.” Everyone smiled and Whizzer shouted, 

“WE LOVE YOU TOO, JASON!” He paused before adding, “EVEN IF YOU’RE A TRUANT!” 

Mendel chugged the rest of his V8, then said, 

“I also have an idea for a fun thing we could do with a group of students,” he got up and threw away his stuff, then sat back down, “There’s a group of about fifteen students who have both Trina and I, and I know at least seven of them have all of you, so I was thinking that we have fun with them.” Whizzer looked at him quizzically and asked, 

“Like what?” 

Mendel grinned at him, then pointed to the board. 

“I’ll be playing a game with my classes that will involve me telling them all of the stuff you see on the board before you. I do need your permission to tell them about The Event, though, so,” he looked at everyone. Marvin sighed. 

“As long as you don’t go overboard on the slandering of certain people’s character.” 

Mendel gasped dramatically, and replied, 

“I would never!” He clutched his chest and sat down in his chair. “I was thinking you all just drop stuff about the rest of us in casual conversation and let the kids figure it out themselves before I drop all the receipts from The Event.” Charlotte nodded. 

“Should we make them a club so they can discuss the things they’ve learned that week?” 

Mendel spun towards her and yelled, 

“YES!” 

He winced, said, 

“sorry… but yeah. I had that idea at the Local Target™.” Marvin gasped in mock shock. 

“You can think?! Holy shit!” Mendel fake smiled at him, as Charlotte continued. 

“I guess I could drop some information offhandedly, but I think a scavenger hunt would be more fun.” 

Mendel was hyperventilating. 

“ohmygodohmygodohmyGOD!” He ran over and hugged her. 

“Jesus, calm down, dumbass.” Said Marvin. Mendel released Charlotte and pointed at Marvin. 

“I’ll hug you too, asshole.” Marvin backed away, a terrified expression on his face as he formed a cross with his fingers. 

“Demons…….. BEGONE!” 

Mendel hissed loudly. Charlotte snapped her fingers to get their attention. 

“I say we meet in my office tomorrow for lunch to further discuss this. Whose turn is it for lunch tomorrow?” Trina raised her hand, then Marvin turned to her and asked, 

“What are you bringing?” 

Trina pushed her food around in her bowl, and said, 

“Oh, I was just thinking I’d slaughter a chicken in the courtyard, then roast it gently over a spit.” Seeing everyone’s terrified reactions, she broke into a smile. “Just kidding! I was gonna pick up some pizza, if that’s okay with everyone.” 

From his office, Mendel yelled, 

“ACTUALLY, I’M VEGAN NOW, SOO,” 

Marvin picked up a chair and threw it at Mendel once he emerged from his office. 

“Not in my fucking family.” 

Mendel gasped loudly, and, from the floor, said, 

“You love me!” 

Marvin sighed as Mendel hugged him around the waist and lifted him up. 

“Jesus CHRIST, Mendel!” Whizzer yelled as Marvin looked extremely uncomfortable in his current position. 

“Mendel, sweetie, could you put Marvin down please?” Trina asked, looking exasperated. Mendel nodded and put him down. 

“How are you that strong? Marvin’s like, twice your size, would you look at those arms?! Pure muscle!” Whizzer asked incredulously. 

“I dunno, guess I just got excited.” Mendel replied, checking the clock. “You guys should get going, fifth period starts soon.” 

Everyone packed up, and said their goodbyes as they all went back to their classrooms. Before she left, Trina grabbed Mendel by the front of his shirt, and tugged him to her, kissing him forcefully. She pulled back after a bit, made sure he wouldn’t collapse in his current state, then kissed him goodbye and walked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyways hope you enjoyed ! 
> 
> also im workin on some oneshots for this so yee yee
> 
> Have a Great Day!!


	5. First Day, Period Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its like the first chapter but more character introductions and a surprise at the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god may have tried to kill me but he'll have to try harder than that if he wants me to stop creating
> 
> anyways follow my tumblr writingbitchass and enjoy my hard work

Nothing. The world was nothing. Because she wasn’t kissing him anymore. Mendel sat on his desk in a daze, remaining in the exact position Trina had left him in. She had full on made out with him. At work. 

This was the greatest day of his life! Other than the day he married Trina, of course. Or the day he proposed to Trina. Or the day he met Trina. Or every day with Trina, really. 

He slowly turned his head to look at the clock. He had fifteen minutes until his next class, during which he would have to explain the Game again. Ugh. 

He decided to take this opportunity to print out the various pictures of himself and Peppa Pig he’d made to mail to Marvin. As students began filtering in and picking seats, he printed the final Peppa and set it on his desk as he grabbed his things for class. 

“Yoyoyo, what it do. I’m Professor Weisenbachfeld, as the name on the board would suggest, and I’ll be your waiter this evening. Just kidding, I’ll be your psychiatry professor this year. Now, is everyone in the right place?” When no one looked to be more panicked than your average college student, he continued. “Incredible. Great work, everyone. I’m getting good vibes from this class.” He plugged his laptop into the smartboard and put the stack of syllabi on a rolling cart and kicked it towards the first row of seats. 

“Take some and pass them back, if you’d be so kind.” 

The smartboard was now showing the multitude of folders labelled “I LOVE MY WIFE”, “Icon Alert”, and “That One Time She Wore The Suit And I Was Like: *bottom noises*” 

One of the girls in the class raised her hand. 

“Yes,” he squinted at her, “I’m gonna say Carly, she/her.” The girl looked baffled. “Did I get it right? YEAH!” He added a tally to a paper and looked up. “Your question, Carly?” 

“Yeah, I was wondering why your files are named like they are?” 

He whipped around to look at the board. 

“Oh shit, uhh.” 

He slowly turned back around. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He maintained eye contact. “Those are completely normal names for files. Unless, of course, you’ve never had a partner who would die for you, as I would for my wife.” He looked at the girl pityingly. “I hope you find someone like me, because I am a catch.” He giggled wildly. “Just kidding, I’m a little bastard of a man. Which actually ties into my-” Suddenly, Flo Rida’s smash hit “Low” featuring T-Pain was blaring through the classroom. Mendel dove across his desk and grabbed his phone, almost dropping it multiple times as he tried to answer. 

“CHARLOTTE I am TEACHING a CLASS” This “Charlotte” on the other end responded, and as she spoke Mendel got the most shit-eating grin on his stupid face as he waited for her to be done. “Well, listen, I know you’ve been killing anti-vaxers on weekends, I just don’t think you should be pinning it on your students!” He hung up before she could sputter out a response. “I guess now would be a good time to tell you about the classroom game that’s very clearly planned out on the whiteboard behind me.” He gestured vaguely at the scribbles and pieces of yarn taped from point to point. 

“Basically, the more well behaved you are, the more points you get towards leveling up, and leveling up gets you more information about me, because I’m just that Narcissistic, and you also get cool rewards, like a field trip and free credit. As an example for what kind of information you’ll receive, you could figure out why Dr. Du Bois’ ringtone in my phone is Flo Rida’s smash hit “Low” featuring T-Pain.” He smiled fondly at the memory, and added, “It’s actually a pretty interesting story. I might even show you the video, who knows?” 

He plopped into his chair and spun around a bit before turning towards the students and asking, “It’s come to my attention that you may have some questions. Am I correct?” A lot of students raised their hands. “Well, RIP to you guys because questions make me uncomfortable.” He completed another five spins in his chair before pointing at one of the students in the front row. “You, with the rockin’ pink hair, what’s your name and what are your pronouns?” 

“Devin, they/them, and I was wondering what your stance on student attire is? My teachers in high school always talked about how strict college professors are when it comes to that kind of thing, but you don’t vibe like the kind of guy who really cares about that kind of thing.” 

Mendel chuckled. 

“Have you been checking my vibes the whole time you’ve been here? I feel honored. My vibes aren’t rancid, are they?” 

Devin shook their head. 

“Sweet. But yeah, I don’t care about what you wear, with the notable exception of any nazi paraphernalia or anything like that, which includes that stupid MAGA shit, but I don’t think any of that will be a problem, now will it?” The class nodded. “Great! Anybody else? You, who I hesitate to call on because just looking at you makes me think “teacher’s pet”!” 

The boy flushed and choked on his question. Seeing this, Mendel winced and added, “Ack, I shouldn’t have said that. I’m really vibing with your outfit, and as long as you’re not some massive dick I think we’ll vibe well together. Now, what’s your name?” 

The boy appeared to have regained some semblance of confidence, and spoke. 

“My name is Aleksander, uh, he/him, and I was curious about what your top 3 Lizzo songs are.” 

Mendel fell out of his chair. 

“OK FUCK EVERYTHING I SAID EARLIER ABOUT YOU BEING A TEACHER’S PET, THIS DUDE’S PART OF THE FUCKING FAMILY” He collected himself. “Sorry, I just really like Lizzo. My top three? In no particular order, Good As Hell, Truth Hurts, and Boys, but Juice fucking slaps. Also, that is the most valid question I’ve ever received, so thank you.” 

Aleksander looked relieved, and smiled gratefully. 

“Alrighty, we’re almost out of time, does anybody else have any questions?” 

A girl raised her hand. 

“You! What are your name and pronouns, homie?” 

“Nia Imani-Tolefree, she/her, and I was wondering what your criteria for references and such is?” 

“Ohohoho, you’re really thinking of your future! I love that. People like you are the most fun to teach. I don’t really know why you’d want a reference from me, but if you’re sure, we can talk about it more when it’s closer to graduation or a job fair, or if you’re ever just having one of those 3am moments where you need to plan out the rest of your life.” He grinned at her. “Anyone else?” 

A hand shot up. 

Mendel nearly fell on his ass. 

“Love the enthusiasm! Name and pronouns, bud!” 

“Hi, I’m Ben Lu, he/him, and I want to meet your wife!” 

Mendel’s face lit up. 

“Well, if you go to the theatre department, you’ll find her, but that’s all I can tell you for now. Gotta keep some material for our classroom game, you know.” The bell rang. “Oh, thank God.” He braced his hands on his desk and hung his head between his arms for a second before lifting it. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow, same time, same place, and later tonight I’ll email you guys a PDF of the textbook. Shalom!” He waved as the last of the students filtered through the door, then collapsed into his chair. 

That was a close one, he thought, slowly getting up and moving into his office. He booted up his computer, lifted his desk so he could stand and work, and opened Stardew Valley, slipping on his headphones as he tuned out the outside world. 

 

-

 

She had an urge. She was familiar enough with it that she knew it wouldn’t go away until she gave in. It had become a sort of tradition of hers, ever since that first home zumba class they did together. 

She was going to smack his fucking ass. 

She’d wrapped up her class a while ago, and, based on her knowledge of her husband, he would still be in his office, probably playing Stardew Valley in his favorite hoodie. It was his favorite distraction game, and it always worked like a charm. She packed up her things and left a note for Jason telling him that she was in a meeting and that she’d be back in a bit. The, she made her way across campus to his classroom. 

 

-

 

Once she rounded the final corner approaching his office, she got closer to the wall, and quieted her footsteps. She got to the door, and slowly, carefully, quietly, opened it. There he stood, swaying his whole body to the music of the game as he worked away at his virtual farm. 

Perfect. 

He was completely unaware of what was about to happen to him. 

She advanced on her prey, like a National Geographic documentary that greatly upsets its viewers when a fierce lion sneaks up on a poor, unsuspecting baby gazelle. 

Except in this case, the baby gazelle is Mendel’s great bootyass, and the lion is Trina’s incredibly strong arm and her undeniable urge to Smack That Ass. 

He bent over ever so slightly, leaning on his elbows and sticking out his ass, and Trina knew it was a sign. She readied her footstance, and got her hand in the right position for the Smack. 

3\. 

She took a deep breath. 

2\. 

She did a couple of test swings to prepare. 

1\. 

The hit? 

Perfect. 

The form? 

Incredible. 

His ass? 

Fucking jiggling. 

 

Incredible. 

Unreal. 

Dare she say, 

Hot. 

He squeaked, and managed to evade all laws of physics, motion, and gravity, and fall backward into her waiting arms. He looked up, and visibly relaxed when he saw it was her. 

“So it’s been a “Smack Your Unsuspecting Husband’s Ass” kind of day, huh?” 

She chuckled and spun him around so he was facing her. 

“Hard for it to be any other kind fo day when your ass is so fucking fat, dear.” 

Mendel shook his head, perturbed. 

“Typical man. Only wants me for my body. I am NOT just a pretty boy himbo for you to smack whenever you feel the urge.” 

“Sweetheart, your hoodie says otherwise.” 

The camera pans downward to reveal Mendel wearing a hoodie with the words HUSBAND + HIMBO = HUSBIMBO written in big letters across the front. 

“Irrelevant. It’s cozy.” 

“And you’re a himbo.” 

“WHY are you BULLYING me?” 

“Dear, what would you do if one of your students walked in right now and saw you wearing that?” 

Mendel whined and and laid his head on her shoulder. 

“What if I never wear anything that shows off my ass again?” 

She snorted at his pathetic attempt at a threat. She was holding all the cards. 

“Well, I hope you’d be okay with never seeing the strap again.” 

He gasped dramatically and pulled back to look her in the eye. 

“What?! No! That’s just cruel!” 

“Well,” she looped her arms around his neck and leaned down so that they were nose-to-nose, “himbo. If you really don’t want that to happen,” he looked like a deer in headlights, completely frozen save for the growing blush that gave away exactly how much he was enjoying this, “you know what to do, right?” He nodded his head so fast it made his eyes cross. “Good.” 

She grabbed him now, and spun him into a dip, holding him by the hips and the small of his back, and kissed him. Hard. After a minute or two of this, she nipped at his ear and whispered, “I’ll see you later, baby.” And she dropped him. He landed on his ass, with his back against the side of his desk as he watched her walk out the door, wink at him seductively, and continued back to her office. Once she was gone, he pulled the pillow out from underneath his desk, raised it to his face, and screamed all of his frustrations into it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well that was weirdly erotic
> 
> please leave a comment or kudos i promise you they warm my little medically challenged heart 
> 
> again, please follow my tumblr (writingbitchass), i am desperate for validation
> 
> also thank you for reading this and have a great day!


End file.
